Empathy for the First Time AP Student

 (Yep, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. But that’s for another time. I have some pressing thoughts to share.) 

On my most recent rides, I’ve been thinking about *that* kid in my AP Psychology class. 

That kid who looks around on the first day, and doesn’t know many people. There’s some groups of people who have known each other for awhile, and this kid kind of stands out as not being quite sure where they fit in yet. 

This kid probably has never taken an AP class before, but they signed up for this one, as a challenge. One AP class as a stretch goal, dipping a toe in the water of a higher academic challenge. 

There’s plenty of kids who turn down my invites to join my AP course. “Nah, Miss, it’s too much work.” “I just want to have fun this year.” “I could do AP… but I don’t think I want to do that extra reading.” 

I’ve been feeling a lot of empathy for the student who chose to take an AP class for the first time. 

When you’re surrounded by classmates who sound like they know what they’re talking about, and you’re totally in over your head, mentally making a note of what to look up when you get home. On my last ride, hearing gear nerds talking about their gear ratios and cassette sizes, I’m staying quiet, and hoping nobody quizzes me on what my bike has, like that kid has the look that they hope the teacher doesn’t call on them. I can appreciate learning about this, and I’m excited to be able to participate in this discussion, but it feels overwhelming right now because I’m just trying to learn the terrain. 

I’ve signed up for some epic gravel events and I’m really not sure if I belong there yet. The distance feels daunting, and I’ve had all the thoughts about this. Did I take somebody else’s space? Somebody who would do better? Why am I putting myself in a position where I’m going to struggle, a lot? 

I know the end result will be really rewarding. I’m going to feel really amazing for challenging myself. I’m going to be an athlete, competing in a gravel races, in some incredibly remote, mountainous terrain this fall. 

Right now, I’m a novice in the dirt, doing a lot of homework, practicing, practicing, and practicing my skills. I’m comparing myself to the advanced group that has a lot more experience and a lot more confidence, but I’m fighting those feelings about belonging. I absolutely belong at the start line, just like that kid absolutely deserves that seat in the class. We’re willing to put in the work to make it happen, even when it feels uncomfortable at first. 

I’m thankful for the kind people who invited me to join them, both online and in group rides, and really excited to learn from their expertise. Like the kid joining the first AP class, surrounding yourself by people who are going to be just above your level, in this zone of proximal development (tossing out a term from Lev Vyzotzky for any of my students who have read this far!) is one of the best ways to grow. 

More AP/bicycle connections to come…